Easter season is here. So, in lieu of my usual political rant or one of my solopsistic ramblings, I thought I’d post something appropriate to this day. Don’t faint now. I do sometimes think before I write, just not often.

In an earlier post, I wrote about the institutional aspects of religious belief systems as being mostly ‘noise’ designed to bind followers to a divisive dogma and to keep the contributions flowing. A bit cynical perhaps but there you have it. But there is a more spiritual dimesnion to belief and I find good in that.

At some point, when I was in college, it struck me that virtually all religious traditions had a common core, though those central doctrines often were obscured in their sacred texts and certainly by the interpretations by those guarding the inner sanctums. In the end, they came down to this … be good and be kind to others. You know, the ‘golden rule’ or treat others as you would be treated. I can remember sitting in a car late one night with a comely coed during my undergraduate days. Her name has long slipped into obscurity. Since I had no money, I thought my best chance of getting to any base was to sound wise, or at least smarter than a sack of rocks. So, I went on about my philosophy of life for a bit … telling her about my moral compass so to speak.

That so-called ‘compass’ was simple as I recall. “We are born and sometime down the line we pass from this mortal coil. In the meantime we must decide how we shall spend that time which, I was convinced, was fraught with unhappiness and disappointment and even pain(I am irish after all). I told this gal that I only hoped to make life just a fraction easier for those on this journey with me, likely by making them laugh just a little.” I can’t recall for sure but I doubt this BS got me to second base but, on reflection, it hit me that I actually might believe such sentiments.

Spirituality is a journey. We can walk it alone or we can share it with others, trying to negotiate the rough patches as best we can. The trick is how to assist others along the way. That is not always apparent nor easy most of the time. Adding to the challenge is that males and females are dropped on to this planet with wildly different dispositions and skill sets. Guys have less innate empathy and, when they try, it usually comes out as an instinct to ‘fix’ problems. How different are the two genders. The next pic captures an essential difference.

Now, since I was an only child I had no young siblings of the female persuasion who risked being in my presence during our early years. However, I am a typical male in most respects (how freaking sad). I can recall my long suffering wife sharing whatever crisis she was facing on a given day. Immediately, I would leap into ‘fix-it’ mode. I was always perplexed when that proved ineffective and when she withdraw into sullen silence. Yes, I was an idiot. Not a complete idiot though. I was never one of those guys who thought sending some female I barely knew a foto of my ‘family jewels’ (private parts). Really, how moronic cana guy be to think a foto of his junk will turn on a female. For heavens sake, try your bank statement instead.

My lesson for today is not whether we should help others but how. I will admit that even I, not the swiftest arrow in the quiver, eventually got it that fixing someone’s ‘hurt’ was not always the best response. It occerred to me, after many failures, that this response made me feel better but was not always the best approach to the other’s situation. If not that, what was?

Oddly enough, for reasons I won’t bore you with, yesterday I had two separate conversations with female friends. Each coincidently shared some wisdom contained in a New York Times piece that I found insightful. Essentially, it focused on a question that some school teachers found very useful for dealing with their younger students who were feeling emotionally overwhelmed. It is a simple question:

“Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged.”

Someone who is sharing pain with us is reaching out. However, a dullard like me is woefully unprepared to detect what they need in response. There is research that each response (hearing, hugging, helping) evoke or stimulate distinct chemical and/or emotional responses. Like my experiences as a policy wonk, I understood in that arena that you have to get the quesiton right in the first instance to make any progress. Getting it wrong can result in more harm than good.

I am thankful to these two female friends. This approach strikes me as intuitively sensible. Then again, I thought sharing my philosophy of life with a comely co-ed in college would get me to second base. So, what the hell did I know?

I would add one more H to this question. Humor!

Do they want me to make them laugh. I add humor since this is in my wheelhouse. Making people laugh is my strength, my go-to response in most situations. And I have found that humor is especially effective with females. Even as a young man, I realized that every time I took my clothes off in front of a woman they would double over in hysterical laughter. Just a gift I suppose.

One final thought. We assume that we, homo-sapiens that is, are the pinnacle of evolution. Given our hubris, we assume that we are the best and the brightest and most advanced. We just might be. Sometimes, though, I see other primates who evidence collaborative behaviors and demonstrate the kind of intimate bonding that might well put us to shame. Few other species have refined technology to slaughter others of their own kind. Think about that for a moment. I leave you with the following image.

BTW …. I am off on a short trip. There likely will be a brief break in these fantastic blogs :-).