A friend of mine recently visited Hanoi Hilton while touring Southeast Asia. In case you have forgotten, that was the infamous prison where American POW’s were incarcerated and tortured during the Vietnam conflict. The scars generated by that war have remained within some of us throughout our lives. That must be my case since it a theme that simmers throughout some of my recent fictional works, particuarly Oblique Journeys.

Then there are the hundreds of pitches I get from conservative politicians and groups. Don’t ask me why they keep hitting on a confirmed Socialist like myself but there you have it. Aside from praising me for being one of their strongest supporters (I don’t give them a dime), a majority address me as ‘Dear Patriot.’

Are they kidding! Do they really believe patriots would pour their heart and soul into dismantling the democratic protocols and legal safeguards that once marked America as a leader in the so-called ‘free world’ and an example for people everywhere with democratic aspirations. Feverishly seeking to establish an authoritarian and totalitarian regime in the U.S. seems a rejection of my youthful view on this ambiguous concept of patriotism. Then again, what does it mean to be a patriot?

I still recall being drilled by three members of military intelligence during the physical I was required to take as part of the military draft process back around 1970. There was a question on one of the many forms to be completed asking if I had belonged to any organization advocating the overthrow of the U.S. government. Having ascertained from the friendly Sargent overseeing this process that SDS (Students for a Democratic Society) was such a nafarious organization, I entered that group in the space provided (I was a member before they went bat-shit crazy). Thus, my convivial chat with military intelligence took place.

For me, the highlight of our exchange of ideas came when they asked “if I would fight any and all enemies of the United States.” I recall leaning back and looking at them as if I was seriously considering their question before replying with great sincerity … “First, we must define enemy.” That led to their threats to drop assholes like me into North Vietnam though I thought that unlikely in the short term.

That vignette, and the crises of conscience that is reflected throughout Oblique Journeys and (more recently) Refractive Reflections, has stayed with me during the course of my life. What is patriotism? Who is the enemy? I did manage to evade military service, or a flight to Canada which my fictional protagonist was required to do and which I seriously contemplated for a time (some of my protagonists tend to be romanticized versions of me). Still, that whole experience left me with a sense of guilt. Had I acted totally from conscience? Was I rationalizing some form of cowardice? Or was I the true patriot from that era? A good deal of the personal struggles in Oblique Journeys and Refractive Reflections focus on such questions.

Fast forward some five-plus decades or so. The same questions haunt me. What does it mean to be a ‘patriot.’ Who are our enemies? I still cannot answer such questions with total satisfaction. There really are some imponderable questions that make life worthwhile. But I have inched along toward an answer:

First, despite a surfeit of Catholic guilt in my makeup, a residue of being raised as such, I no longer feel guilt for not bearing arms in the 1960s. Now, except in the rarest of circumstances, I would never do such a thing.

Second, it strikes me as foolish to defend a country simply because one lives there. One must embrace the culture and values of that nation. Do we still not look down upon the good Germans who supported a Nazi regime or do we not sympathize with the Russian youth of today who evaded Putin’s conscription. Mere citizenship is not enough. There are many aspects of American today that drive me to tears and shame, topics for future blogs. I would be hard pressed to fight for a country I do not respect.

Third, how would I answer my military intelligence inquisitors today? Who is the enemy? My simple answer is this. Based upon almost 8 decades of experience and thought, it seems to me that the enemy lies within. It is perhaps the 40 percent of our neighbors and fellow citizens who sport MAGA hats and reject democracy, science, and compassion. I have lived through the Cold War and the War on Terrorism. They promise difficulty but only one group, in my mind at least, offers an existential threat to what we purportedly value the most … today’s Republican Party. Madeleine Albright (Clinton’s Secretary of State and U.N. Ambassador) recently said in a book that America is closer to Fascism (her Jewish family escaped the Nazi’s just in time) than at any time since WWII. Yes, I have found an enemy which could bring me to bear arms.

My conscience is clearer now than it was those many years ago. Perhaps I will have it all worked out with just one more book.